I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
