Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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