Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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