I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
