i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish i was in the wii world.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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