The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my sisters under your porch take her home
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i've created a new STD.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
