true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
