yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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