Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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