No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
false alarm. still invincible.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
