I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
