i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
