Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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