You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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