i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Less talking, more tequila
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
