He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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