considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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