my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
