so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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