i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
