she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
