would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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