I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
