some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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