Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
