with your own penis?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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