he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
