his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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