why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
