Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
