I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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