Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you traded sex for a burrito?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
