i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
