think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
