I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
