I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
