alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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