why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He kissed a someone with a penis
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
