Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
