i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
