i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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