There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize