Are we in a gay sports bar?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
false alarm. still invincible.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
