it was like his penis was on wheels.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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