I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
time to smoke my breakfast
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Randomize
