I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
