You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How does one acquire holy water?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
