Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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