Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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