Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
