OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
