i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
