The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
